Home Improvements: Part I.

The Carey house (my Ruston home) has had a bit of a facelift.
We got new windows.
They're so pretty.
I love my new windows.

Since we replaced the old windows with new ones,
that left me with about 40 old window panes.
Praise the Lord for Pinterest because people actually bought those nasty things!

Don't get me wrong, I did my fair share of upscyling too!

TA DA!!!! 

Isn't it beautiful?!?!

I think so too...but I'm biased.

This lovely table was conceived in the mind of my dear friend Melanie Scott, 

(she made one similar to this for her home as well),

and it was physically realized by the hard work of my dear ole Dad. 

So I can't take too much credit for this bad boy,

but I'll take a little because I did paint and caulk it.

This thing is incredibly easy to make! 

1. Find an old window.

Find it on the internet, antique shop, internet, steal if from your neighbors walls while they're on vacation, etc. 

2. Sand away all the chipping and yucky paint. 

I used a power sander that took that gross stuff right off!!

3. Decide which side you want to be the underside,

then caulk around the glass panes, so they won't risk falling out someday. 

It doesn't have to be exceptionally neat because it's the underside of a table, 

and who looks under there. 

4. Get some pre-made table legs at Home Depot or Lowe's. 

The ones I got had screws already in the top so you just have to screw them in! 

5. Get a little doodad like this one...

(I don't know what you would call it, my dad did all the heavy lifting)

...slap that puppy on there with a couple of screws.

6. Screw the legs into the little doodad.

7. Stand it up and admire you're handy work!

I painted mine an off-white and went over it with sandpaper a few times to give that aged feeling!

How to Let the Grieving Grieve.

Things have been rather somber on the blog this week,

but ya know, 

things have been on the somber side in life this week,

so it works. 

I was talking to my community group the other night, 

and I realized that have a good bit of knowledge when it comes to the grieving process.

Mostly, I have a lot of experience as the friend of the grieving. 

And I noticed that,when placed in this situation, 

most people don't have any idea what they need to be doing.

So I thought that I might offer up some of the wisdom I've gained over the years.

Here we go:

1. Be Quiet. 

Most people think they have to say something to make things better, 

or they just can't stand the silence.

Get over it and shut up.

Nothing you say can make anything different or better,

so it's best you not say anything at all.

A grieving person doesn't want your opinion or advice,

they really don't care. 

Don't get offended. 

Just shut your mouth,

put your arm around them,

and let them nasty cry into your shirt. 

2. Be There. 

This one depends on your situation, 

on how close you are to the grieving,

also on how close or how much family is available to them. 

If you are very close, 

you need to be there AS SOON AS POSSIBLE and AS OFTEN AS POSSIBLE.

This is code red status.

Drop whatever you're doing because they need someone they trust and care about. 

If anything, a griever needs to see that someone they love is still alive. 

If you aren't as close,

coming to visitation or a wake as well as the funeral, is good, 

texts, emails and Facebook messages are good too.

I would avoid phone calls,

 they don't need the obligation of having to talk when they don't want to.

In this area I would try to use your own judgement. 

3. Be Helpful.

Help them out. 

If they don't know what to wear to the funeral or visitation, 

help them pick it out, 

let them borrow something,

go buy them a black dress.

If they are hungry, 

get them something to eat. 

If things are dirty,

clean them up.

A griever will usually tell you what they need, 

just do what they ask.

4. Be Creative. 

Think of creative and simple ways to show them that you are there and that you care about them.

Bring their favorite movie over and watch it together,

or a book they like so they can read at night. 

In high school, 

a very good friend of mine lost her mom,

she had been sick for a long time,

when it got to those final days, 

all of our friends went to her house,

 and we made the most incredible fort in her room. 

Simple, fun, creative. 

5. Stay Away From Casseroles.

I know a lot of people love to bring over casseroles in these situations,

and I get it, 

they freeze and reheat like a dream,

but casseroles get old,

FAST.

Ask what the family wants for dinner, 

see what they like to eat,

and then make that. 

Also, bring snacks,

it's no fun trying to reheat a slice of casserole at 4:00 P.M. for an afternoon treat. 

6. Be Mindful.

If you are going to ignore #1,

and actually say something,

BE VERY MINDFUL OF WHAT YOU SAY.

Unless you in fact, do know how someone feels, 

(i.e. their mother dies, and you have also lost your mother)

DO NOT,

UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE, 

say "I know how you feel,"

or even, "I can't imagine what you're feeling."

You're right, 

you can't.

And they don't really care about how you are feeling. 

Just stick with "I'm sorry" and "What can I do for you?"

And you'll be great. 

7. Don't Forget.

Don't forget about them.

Within a week or so you're life will go back to normal,

while theirs is forever changed. 

It's incredibly frustrating for a griever to see everyone that was there for them just a few weeks before, 

seems to have forgotten about them.

Just give them a quick call to see how they're doing,

go to lunch, coffee, dinner, etc.

Just remember that they have to figure out a whole new normal, 

and you most likely don't. 

8. Be Prepared.

You, as the friend to the griever,

need to be prepared. 

You need to be armed with an arsenal.

You'll need:

-distraction techniques

-diversion techniques

-snacks

-MINTS 

(sucking on something is soothing, and people are always in your face in situations like this, fresh breath is helpful)

-attentive ears

-broad shoulders...better to cry on

9. Preparation Doesn't Always Prepare.

In some situations the griever is relatively prepared for this to happen.

They have known it was coming, because of illness or old age.

But keep in mind,

 no amount of preparation can prepare someone for this.

They may have been completely prepared,

 physically,

mentally, 

and emotionally.

But despite all of that, 

this is still the first time that person has died.

And it's always difficult,

no matter what preparations are made. 

10. Pray.

It's cliché for a reason,

but prayer is always the best thing you can do for someone. 

The Lord is really the only one who can do anything to comfort and heal a griever, 

and it's best that you just help Him work.

Also, keep in mind that grievers need lots of intercession, 

because they might not be on speaking terms with God at this point. 

Be diligent.

Be faithful. 

Too Much Irony.

Sometimes the irony of life is just too much. 

Here's an example:

Yesterday, I posted about how much I fear death.
Not my own, but the death of people I care about,
the death of those around me.
I finally realized I even had that fear,
and had begun to face it;
I just didn't realize just how how much facing I would be doing.

Today, I was informed that a guy I went to high school with, passed away last night.
He and I weren't close by any means, but we were teammates.
We played tennis together.
He was nice,
always had a smile, and made sure you had one too.
Zac, was always the last person to laugh at anything,
it was like he forgot to pay enough attention to put it all together at first.
He had a sloppy stroke and lazy feet.
He had a wild streak in him,
but he was very easy to be around.


I just find that today the Lord's use of irony in my life is almost too much for me to handle.
Just yesterday I confessed to how much I dreaded getting those kinds of text messages,
and today I got one.

I still can't wrap my mind around the fact that he's dead.
I haven't talked to him in years,
or even really given him much thought,
other than when he would randomly pop up on my newsfeed.
But today, my mind has flooded with memories of him.
And it's weird to think that I'll never randomly bump into him again,
or have him pop up on my newsfeed.

I feel like I understand death,
as much as one can truly understand it.

Throughout the course of my life,
I've been faced with it time and time again.

I've come to the realization today that,
death never makes sense,
it just hurts.

I don't know why death has plagued me so much,
I don't understand that in the slightest.
But I just have to trust that the Lord knows what He's doing,
and that He's going to put just as much irony in my life as He so desires. 

Scaredy-Cat.

Within the last few days I've come to the realization of just how scared I really am. 

I'm not scared of everything, actually very few things.

But those few things that truly scare me, scare me A LOT. 

I would say my biggest fear is death.

Not my own death, 

but the death of those around me,

of my family and friends, 

the people I care most about. 

I never even realized I was scared of it until Sunday.

I was at my team meeting for my trip to Haiti.

We were talking about ways the Devil is going to try and scare us and distract us while we are there.

I knew that I was scared of death when I went away. 

Anytime I'm on a trip or away from home I have an overwhelming sense that something is horribly wrong and I need to get home ASAP. 

It's almost never true.

But it was once, 

the first time I really went away on my own, 

and I think it's done more damage than I realized. 

Every time I check my phone or email, my mind immediately starts playing out every possible completely horrible scenario of what could be going on, 

who is hurt, 

who is in trouble, 

who is dead. 

I knew this was something that plagued me while I was away. 

It definitely did when I was in Wales and if Tara hadn't been there to talk me down everyday, I would have gone bonkers. 

It happened when I was at Kamp too. 

The first night I was there I had a dream that my nephew, Aubrey, had fallen in a pool and hit his head and was paralyzed.

It was probably the most vivid and horrifying nightmare ever. 

All day I was paranoid, I kept sneaking peeks at my phone just to make sure everything was okay. 

(It was and his is fine.)

So in that respect I knew I was a scaredy-cat. 

My mentality was, 

when I go away all hell is going to break loose and I won't be there to do anything about it. 

When you think about it, 

that's a pretty sucky mentality. 

But the more I talked about it with my Haiti team, 

the more I realized that it's not just when I go away,

it's all the time. 

Anytime my phone rings a little pang goes through my heart.

My mind constantly goes from one crisis scenario to the next. 

I was plagued by fear and I didn't even know it. 

Over the past few days, 

the Lord has shown me something, 

that all of this fear is pure CRAP. 

It's all lies straight from the Devil. 

And I've believed him for way too long. 

Shouldn't I know that fear isn't from God?

Shouldn't I know that He is in control?

Shouldn't I know that even if some crisis was to happen, He would take care of everything?

Shouldn't I know that He can care for my loved one far better than I can?

Shouldn't I know that they aren't even my loved ones, but His?

I should know all of this stuff. 

And I did. 

I had just forgotten about it until now. 

My first thought to this realization was, 

HOW?

How do I live without this?

How do I trust God so completely?

Honestly, I don't know how. 

I don't know that anyone really does. 

All I know is that God is more powerful than Satan. 

So that would mean that His truth is more powerful than Satan's lies. 

All I have to do now is be able to notice the difference.  

Changes.

As you may have noticed I'v made some changes around here. 

A fancy new template and design. 

A new name!

I've changed the name a few times actually. 

I started with "Beautiful Feet," 

then moved on to, "Living the Life,"

and now I've settled on 

"A Pitiful Journey to Self-Discovery: 

a young woman's guide to understanding the world."

The more I thought about the names I had chosen in the past, the more cliché they felt.

 The more I thought about them, the more I disliked them.

They didn't really suit me.

However, this new one does. 

 I've come to learn that I am not, in fact, "Living the Life," whatever "the Life" actually is. 

I'm more falling flat on my face on the daily.

And with each shiny new bruise of the forehead, 

I learn something new about myself and about the rest of the world. 

That's what I want to be sharing here.

Not about how lucky or blessed I feel I am, 

but about what my most recent concussion can teach me. 

So the blog is changing.

And it's going to be GOOD. 

Writer's Block.

My brain is blocked.
I can't seem to make ideas evolve into anything more than just random thoughts floating through my head.
Everything I write seems so awkward and forced and silly.

I don't want to put out anything that I'm not proud of,
 so I've opted to just not put anything out.
I've missed writing.
I've missed the good 'ole blog.

Blogging is fun.

But is exponentially less fun when you can't find a single thing you think is worth blogging about.
It's incredibly frustrating.

I think I'm getting close to actually being able to process creative thought again...
...so that's a good sign right?

Bear with me.
I'm bound to be able to come up with something sooner or later right?

Let's hope so.

If this trip to Haiti in May can't inspire me...
...then I don't know what can!

Stay tuned!
(Hopefully more to come)