Do you ever feel called to something?
But the thought of actually doing it scares the mess out of you?
So you just decide to try and pretend like it's not there?
I DO.
And the sad part is, I almost had fooled myself into thinking that it really wasn't there.
What an idiot.
But not anymore.
I'm here to proclaim that the Lord has called to something different.
For those of you who know me, you know that I have somewhat "old fashioned" goals.
I ask for nothing more than to be a wife and mother for the rest of my days.
It just looks like such a fun job.
And I truly believe that that is a desire that the Lord has given to me specifically.
But I think He's added a twist.
I don't think my life is going to be "normal."
It's going to be more on the unusual side.
I've always felt like the United States wouldn't be my home forever.
But I always tried to push that aside because the thought of leaving the U.S. for more than just a few weeks is scary.
This is my home.
This is where my family is.
This is where my friends are.
This is where my life is.
This is where my comfort is.
Red flag?
I so often forget that I'm not called to be comfortable.
I'm called to be obedient.
So if that means I move to some developing country and live in a hut with 30 orphans...
...bring it on.
The idea of that is so appealing to me.
But the reality of it is SCARY.
So now I just want to say that yeah I am scared of what the future might hold.
I'm scared of what the Lord is going to ask of me because I know that I most likely won't want to do it.
But I have learned that He is ever so faithful.
And I'm sure He is going to enjoy proving that to me over and over again.
So this is what I'm most likely looking at...
I'm more likely to live in this
...than this.
My family is most likely going to look something like this...
...rather than this.
That's what I'm looking ahead too.
And yes, I am very very excited.
And I am also scared out of my mind.
But this is what I'm called to so this is what it is going to be.
you don't know me. but, my brother (the wonderful tucker madden :)) showed me this. i had this same revelation a few years ago...the spring of 2000 to be exact. this post made me cry to be honest. ;) i just can SO relate...and it was exactly where i was back then.
ReplyDeleteand now i'm living it. i don't live in a hut, but i do live somewhere where i never thought i would. it's great, and hard. it's frustrating and exciting and sad and beautiful all at the same time. and always i'm learning.
but, i just wanted to say that i loved this. sooo exciting to think of what He might do with you and your dreams that you have handed to Him in submission.