Like Mother Like Daughter.

So, I'm a junior in college.

"Sooooo what are you planning on doing after graduation?"

"What career plans do you have?"

I'm a French/Spanish major. 

"Oooo what do you want to do with that?"

"What CAN you do with that?"

Let me just answer all these questions really quickly.

I DON'T KNOW. 

I have absolutely no idea what I am going to be doing after graduation next May.

I barely even know what I'm going to be doing this weekend, 

much less next year. 

I really don't have any specific career in mind. 

I never have. 

French and Spanish were just the most logical...and easiest...choice for me. 

(thanks Calcasieu Parish and CODOFIL)

The thing is, I have a pretty broad field to choose from career wise. 

There are several jobs I could see myself doing and absolutely loving.

I could see myself coaching tennis for the rest of my life. 

And I would absolutely love that. 

I love tennis. 

I love coaching. 

It's fun watching my students understand and succeed, in the sport that I love so much.

It's very rewarding and fun. 

I could see myself as a teacher. 

Preferably high school or college level.

I would love being an English teacher or even a French teacher.

I love literature. 

I like reading it and learning about it.

I find it interesting.

And I think it would be nice to be able to share that.

I could see myself as a detective. 

I would LOVE to be a detective, or police officer. 

Call me crazy, but it looks FUN. 

I like thinking and trying to figure things out. 

I like solving puzzles and answering questions. 

I like finding solutions.

And I have very developed deductive skills.

But the job I want most is to be Mom. 

(for some of you who know me, I pretty much already am, except I have no kids)

I can't help it. 

I wanna be da mama. 

And it's not like I just want babies to play with, 

or that I have this crazy desire to be pregnant or something.

I just want to love kids that need it. 

I don't even really have to have my "own" kids. 

(I would like to but if not thats okay too)

I just know that there are kids out there that aren't loved. 

And I know that I can love them.

I don't really know how to explain how strongly I feel about this.

And so that leads me to believe that this is nothing short of divine.

I haven't always felt this way.

But I do now. 

And I know that this is what I was made for. 

This is what I will be good at. 

And I was made so for a reason. 

This job gets to take all of the jobs I could see myself doing and enjoying,

and it meshes them all into one. 

As a mother I will get to be 

coach, 

teacher,

detective,

chef, 

baker,

housekeeper,

laundress,

etc, 

etc, 

etc...

This list could go on forever. 

Maybe I've just had such a good example of what a mother looks like that all I can think to do is to emulate that.

I have an incredible mother.

She is very loving, encouraging, smart, creative, disciplined, etc, etc

(this list could go on forever too)

She has taken in so many as her own children. 

And I LOVE the picture of what she does.

She loves those who are not her own, as though they were. 

(she and my dad are REALLY good at this)

So maybe I just want to be like my mom. 

I want to love like they are my own. 

And I want to love on as many as God will give me. 

So I'm not saying I want to be mommy to my 3 perfect angels. 

I want to be mommy to the multitudes. 

The ones that other people don't want.

Those are the babies I WANT.

The rejected, abused, abandoned, orphaned, etc, etc

Those are the ones I want. 

Those are the ones I  need.

Those are the ones I am made for. 

Like they say

Like mother, like daughter. 

This ain't it.

I would like to share just a little piece of my heart with all of you tonight. 

As many of you know,

I have a special place in my heart for Honduras. 

I have had the opportunity and pleasure to travel there many times.

And each time has been even better than the time before. 

It's through Honduras, and the people there, 

that the Lord has shown me a lot about myself. 

He has shown me what I am good at.

He has shown me a lot about Himself.

He has shown me a small glimpse of what His future looks like for me.

He has shown me, what my heart beats for. 

My heart beats for him. 

It beats for my sweet Franklin.

(FYI, that's Franklin)

He's around 11 years old now. 

Wow, he's getting old.

I first met Franklin when he was 7.

He had just arrived at the Good Shepherd's Children's Home, in El Zamorano. 

He was quiet and shy and incredibly skinny.

His poor belly was big and puffy, just full of parasites. 

There was just something about him, 

all I wanted to do was hug him and squeeze his precious face. 

I've had the extreme pleasure of getting to watch sweet Franklin grow.

He's no longer the weak, frail boy he once was.

He is big and strong, and just as lovable as ever.

It's been over a year since I've seen him.

That makes me sad. 

It makes me sad knowing that I can't be there with Franklin everyday.

I'm not there to see him play with his friends and learn new things. 

I wish I had the pleasure of getting to see that.

But what kills me are the years before I knew him. 

Just thinking about all those nights he went to bed hungry.

All those days he spent begging and stealing to survive. 

All those years he spent worrying about things a 7 year old boy shouldn't need to worry about. 

It hurts me to know that I wasn't there. 

It hurts me to know that no one was there. 

This ain't it. 

There has to be more to my life than tests and papers.

There's got to be more than coffee dates and family dinners.

I'm not entirely sure what "more" is but I know that, 

this ain't it. 

All I know is that tonight as I was sitting on the couch watching Nacho Libre, 

all I kept thinking was:

"this is a mighty big couch, I wish I had some little kiddos to snuggle up with and watch TV with me"

"I wish I had a house full of little faces that needed me"

It brings tears to my eyes every time I think about all those little people out there that need me, 

and I'm here drinking an Icee and painting my nails. 

So all I know right now is that,

there's more than this.

And I fully intend on finding out what "more" is. 

It Must Be Love. Pt. II

Hello, my name is Phoebe.

And I love tennis. 

Yes, I love it. 

I love absolutely everything about it.

Allow me to list a few reasons why:

(I like lists)

1. Tennis is dramatic.

Watch any professional tennis match and try to show me one without drama.

Won't happen. 

No one knows the outcome,

and no one will until it's already over.

Here's a little taste of,

11 hours and 5 minutes of drama.

2. Tennis can change in a moment.

Momentum can shift at any point during the game. 

Just because one player is up and doing well in the beginning of a match, 

doesn't mean they are going to continue to do so.

One thing sets them off, and they're done.

One bad call.

One bad game.

One noisy bird. 

They're through. 

3. Tennis is a personal sport. 

The beauty of tennis is that anyone can have the advantage.

Each individual player has certain advantages and disadvantages to their game.

And depending upon who their opponent is, that could be good or bad. 

So there's no ONE way to play tennis.

There are many different techniques and strategies that make each player different.

Each player plays differently.

Each players plays their own game.

4. Tennis is hard. 

Just try and keep score.

Properly. 

If you watch tennis on TV and think:

 "Oh that looks easy enough...ball over net...how hard is that?"

You are WRONG. 

Tennis is HARD.

Tennis is COMPLICATED.

Tennis is NOT easily learned.

The players you see on TV have been working their ENTIRE lives for the ability to make it look easy. 

TENNIS IS HARD.

Confused?

5. Tennis is mental. 

Tennis is not for the weak minded. 

If you can't control your mind on the tennis court, 

GOOD LUCK.

You're done. 

One temper tantrum, and there goes the entire match, 

the entire tournament,

the entire year. 

Mind and emotion control are CRITICAL. 

Roger Federer. 

The greatest player of all time, 

the most mentally disciplined player. 

He never shows emotion on court. 

Never negative.

Rarely positive. 

He's stone faced.

Direct correlation. 

I just wanted to brag on my sport a little. 

It's awesome and I love it dearly.

Get out there and see what makes tennis so great. 

But don't think that just because you own a tennis racquet,

 and some shorts with pockets you're a tennis player. 

You're not. 

You might play tennis.

But you are not a tennis player. 

I have devoted countless hours, unseen amounts of effort, and lots of money into this sport. 

I don't just play tennis. 

I am a tennis player. 

This is my sport and I take it seriously. 

Yes, I do realize that tennis is fun.

That's why I play it. 

And that not everyone has devoted as much to tennis as I have.

I am well aware of such facts. 

All I'm saying is that you don't get the title without the effort. 

You can't call yourself a lawyer unless you go to law school.

And you can't call yourself a tennis player unless you commit to tennis.

This isn't a fair-weathered friend.

This is a life-long love. 

If you would like to see real tennis players in action, 

The Australian Open is currently in progress. 

The first Grand Slam of the year. 

Let the drama begin. 

(check your local listings.)

Free at Last.

There's so much I want to say and share, 

but I can't figure out how to get it out there. 

All I can think to say is that I love my Jesus.

He is real and He has come to free us. 

Yeah, I always knew that,

but, now, I finally get it.

It's not about how good I am,

or what I can do.

It's about who He is,

and His love for me and you.

I used to think I wasn't worth it, 

I wasn't worth that kind of love.

And I was right,

because I was stained and tainted.

Satan had me believing all his lies. 

"You're no good." 

"Just go sit down and cry."

But finally someone heard me. 

Jesus Christ came and set me free. 

He came to release my heart from bondage. 

He came to love me even at this ripe age. 

He started telling me the truth, 

"I made you."

"And I did so with a purpose, Phoebe Ruth."

"So that I can love you."

So now my heart is full. 

Because the Lord has come and made me whole. 

Man didn't do this.

This is no Earthly coincidence. 

But this is a taste of true love's first kiss.

Finally my life is beginning to make some sense.